As much as we love hockey here, I think we are all aware that there is a pretty big football game this afternoon. Many people enjoy having a drink or two for the Super Bowl, mostly because the NFL has a one game championship. I guess football players can't handle the grind of a 7 game series like hockey players can. But I understand if you drink too much watching football and can't enjoy the Flyers-Devils game the following day. But really, if you live on the east coast, you are probably going to be snowed in anyways. Put that extra beer to good use.

DRINK

... because in their last game with the Wild, the Flyers got a goal from Daniel Carcillo and the Wild received one from Cal Clutterbuck. Instead of solving problems with their fists, they did it with their wrists.  I think we can all learn something.

... if the name J-Woww is mentioned. Then clean your brain with bleach to scrub away the memory.

... for every minute the game is delayed because the Devil's bus gets stuck. Not because of the snow, but because, you know, Newark.

... for every sweater seen in the crowd that does not feature orange or black. Like this.

Drinking player of the week: Chris Pronger

- It seems like a long time ago since Chris Pronger entered the league as a young defensement with the Whalers. Because it was. It was 17 years ago.

- Pronger may or may not have had an affair while playing in Edmonton, so he got traded to Anaheim where the women are much more chaste.

- Pronger has twice been traded for Joffrey Lupul. It's the most relevent Joffrey Lupul has ever been.

Holy hell, the last story here is from WEDNESDAY? You guys here are suck slackers, geez. No wonder you still live with your moms (who are all classy broads, by the way.)

That's right, JR is back on the blog. Apparently, everyone here at Barry Melrose Rocks has decided to take a nap or have a cuddle party or something, so uncle JR has decided to check in once again.

So I was perusing the Internet the other night and I saw an ad for something called a Fat Head. Apparently, it's not a porn site (like I thought it was), but instead where you buy huge wall stickers of sports stuff. I guess it could be cool, if you're 10 or something. Anyway, this little bit caught my eye:

"Great for party planners, wedding planners, interior designers, decorators, sports enthusiasts, and fans of all ages! "

WHO THE HELL would have a fathead at their wedding? Seriously. But hey, if it means John Tavares can be present should Loser Domi and Kevin and/or Enforcer suffer enough brain damage to get hitched, I guess it could be worth the hundred bucks.

And what's the deal with not having me up there? what, you got room for five different Sidney Crosbys, but no JR time? Apparently you can get custom fatheads made, but having a custom fathead made just sounds ridiculous and pathetic. Plus, I know that at night I'd mistake it for a burglar and try to kick his ass. Then, I'd wake up the next morning and wonder what jackass decided to punch the crap out of my wall. Jerks.  Man, these guys just don't know what class is anymore.

Anyway, I gotta go work on my real blog instead of hanging out with these schmucks. And by the way, tell your mom she makes excellent meatloaf.

Not to beat a dead hockey team when it's down but, well, I guess that is what is about to happen. The Oilers beat the Canes last night! Drunk, ecstatic hooligans flood the streets of Edmonton! Half of Alberta proclaims that they can now die happy!

Well, not really.

But the Oilers did win Monday night, February 1st, for the first time since December 30th! In regulation! By two goals!

And why am I giving this event its own post? Because they beat none other than the Hurricanes who are championed by Dave "I never lose at anything ever unless it happened during the 2009-10 season" McBrayer. Karmas a bitch.

And it's going to suck when I get smacked around by karma for writing this post. Dammit.

And the Hurricanes did beat the Oilers for the Cup a while back. So there's that.

For the second time in a row, I wanted to change things up a bit. Sorry if this frightens you. Indeed, this week I wanted to give you a mid-day binge between the past two seasons' Stanley Cup finalists (and champions, obvs). I need to be totally honest with everyone. I am running out of Penguins related rules. They are Versus SO MUCH. They can wear their baby blue onesies, but I know it's them. It's always them. No, this is just a free opportunity to rag on NBC for a little while. Awesome.

DRINK

... if NBC oversimplifies a concept, like offsides quickly after Pierre Maguire tells a story of his time in the league that not even the most ardent of hockey fans understands.

... if Carson Daly turns up alive.

... if Chuck (or any NBC 'superstar') is conveniently at the game. Let me tell you something. Chuck does not live in Pittsburgh.

... the rest of your drink if hockey survives the delicate marketing masterstroke of NBC. NBC, man.

Drinking player of the week: Sergei Gonchar. This weeks fun facts are presented to you NBC style!

- Sergei Gonchar plays on the same team as Sid the Kid! Sidney Crosby!

- Sergei Gonchar plays in the same city as the NFL's Pittsburgh Steelers. Sunday night is Football Night in America!

- Deep down inside, Sergei Gonchar's greatest dream is to be a guest on the Tonight Show, but only if Leno is hosting. Conan O'Brien is a horrible man beast for trying to ruin Sergei's dream.

Enjoy the game, everyone. And no matter how much they insist, you don't actually HAVE to watch Heroes anymore.

I missed the Versus game of the Week this week. I feel badly about this. I also realized something must be done, lest everyone remain sober for a week. So I thought I would whip up this little number for every day use, or if I should happen to miss a week with the Drinking Game. Bookmark this page, because I will likely miss a game or two. I'm unreliable. At least that's what my last few ex girlfriends say.

Anyways, NHL on the Fly is a staple of the NHL Network. They provide highlights and live game cut ins every night, and is really the essential program for the hockey fan with ADD. Much to my surprise, there are people with the NHL Network that do not get Versus. I feel you all have been woefully neglected. Because of this, I have decided to make double the rules for this! Pick your favorite or play them all for maximum intoxication!

DRINK

... if highlights of a team in an alternate jersey are shown.

... if they catch the local affiliates in a local promo while looking in at a game. Drink 5 times if you seriously consider heading to Buffalo to take advantage of the great deals at Joe's Tire Barn (for example). Also, hopefully the 5 drinks will dissuade you from driving anywhere. Don't drink and drive.

... the rest of your drink if they cut to your local affiliates, then jam a screwdriver up your nose (Phillips head). You should be watching your own game, you inconsiderate punk.

... every time they say "NHL". Just a sip. Pace yourself.

... whenever they cut to Versus. Because that would be ironic.

... whenever they are showing highlights, but you don't realize it for about 10 seconds. Happens to me all the time. No Buccigross here to make you laugh while you enjoy some fancy stick handling.

... If you flip channels, looking for the other game, then realize that you are watching the "other game" already.

... If you hear an announcer you recognize. Holy crap! Is that Kenny Albert?

There you go. A bunch of rules for a a highlight show drinking game if I or Versus are unavailable. Good luck and happy drinking.

Um, sir, you do know they're on the other side of the glass, right?

Last week, the Detroit Red Wings got screwed again. A shootout goal was disallowed by the referee standing about .6 inches from the puck and then promptly and inexplicably overturned when the play was reviewed by Toronto. And no conclusive replays have surfaced. And Detroit, kind of like the Brooklyn Brawler, got screwed for the umpteenth time.

As you can imagine, the relationship between the Wings and the League Office is a bit strained after everything that's happened in the past few years. It's starting to be like one of those relationships -- everyone knows them -- where the couple just fights and fights and nobody really understands why they haven't just broken up already. The league office is just, like, so totally tired of the Red Wings being so needy all the time ohmygawd. So, like, um, like, yesterday I had a chance to sit down with NHL Deputy Commish Bill Daly and discuss the latest Detroit Screw Job. Is this like the third this season? Tenth? I like so lost count cause numbers make my head hurt ohmygawd!

BMR: So, Bill... You're like totally cute. *brushes back bangs* And, ohmygawd, you and like the Red Wings are like so totally great together but I can tell somethings so totally wrong. I'm really good with fixing relationships and stuff. So tell me, what's going on?!??1?

Billy: Ugh. *also brushes back bangs* They're like so like needy like awl the timeuhhhhh. Like last week, they just wouldn't leave me alone during math class. Mike Babcock kept passing me notes saying like "im sryz" and "take me back plz" but he's just like so desperate you knowww?

BMR: OMG I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEANUHHH!

*Both giggle*