In my other life, I work nights so I've always got a lot of free time during the day. Usually what happens is I wake up and sit with my laptop in front of the TV for an hour or two when I first wake up. I'd always have Sportscenter on during the day, as they have live shows going from, I believe, 10a-3p ET. It's pretty much the sports world's version of a 24-hr news network where anything and everything is combed over with a sledgehammer.

But what was a morning ritual is now one that I haven't taken part in for the last week. And I have no intention of taking part in again. Last Tuesday, for me, was the day that Sportscenter died.

I had watched/left on in the background the morning Sportscenters as they were generally harmless in a way where the hosts know there's not a lot to talk about so it's kind of one big joke unless they're fellating talking about Bretty Favre. It always seems like Hannah Storm and Josh Elliot were in on the joke and having a good time with it.

Then everyone decided that they needed to give a shit about hockey for a day. And I mean everyone; Herman Edwards, Doug freaking Gottlieb, EVERYONE.

At a press conference held by Brian Burke after the trade deadline has passed. Also, if you haven't seen Idiocracy, you really should..

BRIAN BURKE: Shut up. Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. Shit, I know shit's bad for the Leafs right now, with all the veteran defenseman bullshit, and with we runnin’ out of draft picks and players who don’t have exploding bones. But I got a solution--
HOWARD BERGER: That's what you said last time, dipshit
DAMIEN COX: I got a solution, you're a dick. Mittenstringers, wasup? (they high five)
BURKE: (pulls out and fires AK-47 into the air, crowd falls silent.) That's what I thought! Now, I understand every Leafs fan’s shit's emotional right now, but listen up: I got a 3 point solution to fix everything!
VOICE: Break it down, Burkie!
BURKE: Number one: we got these guys Ron Wilson, Phil Kessel, and Brian Burke. Number Two, those three combined got more hockey sense than any man alive, And number 3, they's gonna fix everything. I give you my word as General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs. They’re gonna fix the problems with the dead offense. They’re gonna make ‘em score again. And that ain't all…(grabs michrophone) I give you my word (guitar riff) he's gonna fix the goaltending,  too! (Guitar riff) I give you my word (guitar riff) they’re gonna fiiiiiiiix the powerplay. And they’re so smart, he's gonna do it alllllll by 2012!
RON WILSON: (mouths) 2012? Ah, crap.

So, last night after the Islanders beat the Blackhawks 5-3 on the heels of a hat trick from Blake Comeau, NHL.com decided to get a little wacky with their recap. You can check it out here.

UNIONDALE, N.Y. -- Blake Comeau looks an awful lot like Sidney Crosby.

He's suddenly playing an awful lot like him, too.

It's funny because:

A) The idea that one hat trick suddenly turns a 3rd liner on a crappy team into Sid the Kid requires heavy drug use and/or orange and blue colored glasses (For the record, I don't work for NHL.com but I would totally write every recap like this if I did).

B) We all know what Crosby looks like. For those of you who don't know, this is what Blake Comeau looks like.

Well, to be fair, I guess they are both white and Canadian.

The Olympic break is over, and we are in the home stretch on the NHL Season. Dave, LD and myself have a few predictions for the last few weeks:

Dave: Whoever wins it all will have the Carolina Hurricanes to thank.  Doesn't matter if they picked up a pending UFA from them or not - they'll just know who to pay their respects to, damn it.

LD: Personally, I think Brian Burke's still got some wild trades up his sleeves. And also, Twitter will break at least once. Book it.

Enforcer: In the final months of the season, owing to the success of the Olympics, Sidney Crosby and Ovechkin will be required to take all shootout attempts. Doesn't matter who is playing or where they are.

OK, one more surprise predictor

Barry Melrose: Desire for protein will mean more people eat chicken, leading to a chicken sh*t shortage. What will I put on my face to keep me young?!

I have trouble imagining that this indeed our BFFEAEAE John Buccigross' Twitter account (purple sparkle background, John?) but if the news is indeed true, then the rest of sports can you know what.

LOSER DOMI: Well, it's getting a bit late, but I might be able to get some interviews here...

SIDNEY CROSBY: Hey! I'll talk to yer magazine whatever-thingy! (takes large swig of champagne bottle)

LD: Well, uh, thank you, Sidney Crosby. It's a blog.

CROSBY: Whata blog, like on the internet? Cool, I'll talk to you.

American Fan: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO USA USA USA
HEY, WHERE ARE THE AMERICAN FANS?...... Anyone? Anyone know where the rest of the American fans are? You with the tits, do you know where the rest of the Americans are?

Finally, we are down to four teams left in the Olympics. With 4 games left, we have 4 occasions to drink. I recommend drinking an ethnically specific beverage. I have some recommendations, because I am hear to aid your alcoholism.

US - Jack DAniels

Canada - Molson

Slovakia - Slovakian plum brandy

Finland - Anything. It doesn't even have to be cold.

Now that we have those stereotypes out of the way, let's get to 4 more, on for each country! I apologize in advance to dedicated reader Sleza, but if my ethnic stereotyping is correct so far, she's half in the bag already.

DRINK

... whnever the Miracle on Ice is referenced during American games. I assure you, Paul Stastny does not care about the Miracle on Ice.

... for every double letter in the Finnish puck handler's name. I'm not sure who you are, Lasse Kukkonen, but I drink to you! Twice!

... every time you recognize someone on the Slovakian team, only to realize that they no longer play in the NHL. Hey! It'z Ziggy Palffy! And he's on a line with Jozef Stumpel!

... every time you hear about how important hockey is to Canada. Yes, we get it. It's cold in Canada, and they like skating. Say, they should get the Olympics some time!

Drinking person of the Olympics..... Bob Costas!

- Bob Costas is the sports' world's answer to Matthew Broderick

- Bob is perhaps one of the most famous sports personalities in the country, despite working for NBC and being too short to compete on his high school's ping pong team

- Because of his foul mouth, Bob has always been on tape delay.