That's right cats and kittens! It's Tuesday which means it's time for another  BMR half-assed liveblog (even if we use our whole asses.) Sure, you can spend your night doing holiday stuff with family, or you can chat with hockey fans online while we talk about bananas, Jeremy Roenick, Swedish chicks, or whatever comes up. Of course, here at Barry Melrose Rocks, we all look like this:

It's your choice.

So I'm moving this week. Tuesday, to be exact. Have you ever helped anyone move? Probably, but only if there was beer involved, am I right? So, to accomodate my volunteers, I will also be providing the beer necessary for this weeks drinking game, played while sitting on boxes at my new place.

The game in question will be the Flyers and Penguins. Have you noticed that there is a proliferation of Pittsburgh fans pretty much anywhere you go? Not just the Penguins either, steelers and even the stray Pirates fans. Why is this? Are people that in love with black and gold? Are former residents that nostalgic for their former home town team? I think I have a conclusion. Western Pennsylvania sucks and people from there have scattered across the country. But hey, the teams are pretty good, so why not keep cheering for them?

DRINK

... for every answer you get wrong on this quiz. Thrice if the town is mentioned during the telecast.

... if you contemplate why the Wild never made any cup runs when THEY had Pascal Dupuis and Martin Skoula.

... if Eric Lindros is at all mentioned. 8 times, once for every concussion, if the mention relates to head injuries.

... if any terrorist plots are thwarted in the rafters of Mellon Arena. But ONLY if they are thwarted.

Drinking player of the week: Evgeni Malkin

- Is unquestionably the best player on the team. Seriously, why is there any doubt? Who else do the Penguins even have?

- Is neither a Jonas Brother or a Stallone, despite the fervent insistence of the internet, and bloggers everywhere.

- Evgeni hates Sweden.

An update on the story Ryan broke a few days ago... Tonight, Fenway Park is lit. The NHL said yes, dear Internet Night Ballpark Webcam Stalker, you too can see the show.

And it's kinda funny the caption on the bottom reads "you're watching GAME HIGHLIGHTS". They put in caps just so you know they MESSED UP.

OK, so I think it's fair to say that Chris Lee made a boo-boo last night. Aaaaand that may have cost the Habs a point in the standings. Aaaaand the Habs made the playoffs by virtue of an 8th seed tie-breaker last year so their fans know exactly how big that point could end up being at the end of the year. And I know that I'd be just as mad if these were the Islanders getting jobbed (although I think I'd find a way to chalk it up to the organization screwing up as a whole). But hey, I can still post all the funny Twitters that came out of a bad situation, right? It's not piling on or anything if we can laugh about it, right? Well, OK, maybe not. But I'm still gonna do it.

And yes, I posted a bunch of Habs Twitters at FanHouse, but the real fun is with the not-so-PG-rated ones that I can't post over there.

@Cathie_AK27: Chris Lee's intent was to blow Crosby, err the whistle, as per Crosby on TSN interview. #gohabsgo

@HunterZthompson: Why do the habs constantly get screwed by chris lee &/or tim peel? And why does paul devorski always look like he's got a pile of shit in his pants?

@miad_habsgirl31: just saw the disallowed goal again...fuck man i wanna kill chris lee #refssuck !!

Those Habs girls. Gotta be careful or they'll stab ya!

@habsfan32: Yikes!! Was someone wearing a Chris Lee ref jersey? RT @EricEngels Absolutely scary fight in section 435 of the Bell Centre tonight.

@daedalusMTL: damn refs.... i cant believe it. what a sellout!!! Chris Lee, you a re SELLOUT

Did he go mainstream and release a music video or something?

And this one is really not safe for young ears:

@Number31: Brian Wilde on CTV: "Players will face a 10k fine if they say 'Chris Lee stinks', but I don't so... Chris Lee Stinks"

Have you ever seen a baseball stadium sit idly three weeks before the first and only hockey game the place will ever see? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity! That's why the NHL is bringing you a live webcam from Fenway! It's so exciting that I have been watching it for the past 45 minutes, and it's dark! If you give it about 2 or 3 hours tomorrow, there could be some riveting shots! And by I riveting, I mean an actual shot of someone riveting. Because an rink is being built. Never mind.

Things to enjoy from this picture:

- The absolute horror on Tim Kennedy's face. Oh my God it's hard rubber! Get it away!

- The Buffalo fans looking on in interests. No excitement, just.... interest. The kid in the middle is gazing thoughtfully, hand on his chin. The guy on the far left is staring intently. The kid on the far left is wearing his Sabres jersey but is watching the game as though it is some foreign concept that has recently intrigued him. His dad (I assume) appears to be saying "aaahhhh, THAT's Alexander Ovechkin".

- I should say that the males in Buffalo are interested. The girl could not be bothered to care.

[In St. Paul]

Andrew Ebbett: Well, Guillaume... that's how you pronounce it correct? Guillaume?

Guillaume Latendresse: Yes of course, Andrew Ebbeet.

AE: Please, call me Andrew. Anyways, Guillaume, because of the contributions we have provided to the Wild since we arrived, coach gave us the day off to explore St. Paul, our new home, and get to know each other. It will be nice to have a friend in a new place, don't you think.

GL: Can I tell you a secret, Andrew Ebbeet?

AE: Pkease, it's just Andrew. And my last name is pronounced "Ebbett".

GL: Of course, Andrew Ebbeet. But I must share zees with you. [motions Ebbett to come closer] I have taken a mistress Andrew Ebbeet.

AE: A girlfriend, that's great Guillaume!

GL: Yes. I met her in zee dirty town across the river. Her name is Mary.

AE: Minneapolis? I don't think Minneapolis is dirty....

GL: I meet her at zee same corner, Thursdays and Saturdays at 6pm. She is always there with a smile on her face.She listens to my problems, and  never interrupts me.

AE: That's great, Guillaume

GL: She never interrupts me, Andrew Ebbeet. And I am not just trying to brag, Andew Ebbeet, I have heard others describe her as "statuesque."

AE: Oh -

GL: That means beautiful, Andrew Ebbeet!

AE: Yes, well it sounds like you have found yourself quite the woman, Guillaume

GL You must meet her, Andrew Ebbeet!

[Later, in Minneapolis]

AE: Really?

GL: What do you mean, Andrew Ebbeet?

AE: That's a statue, Guillaume.

GL: Zat would explain why she nevever responded to my advances.

I was going to write this weeks drinking game earlier today for tonight's game featuring the the Devils and Sabres, but as luck would have it, I didn't. Instead, you will likely be waking up, getting this version of the drinking game, which may not be as funny, but will certainly be necessary. Why necessary? Well, the obvious reason is that you get to watch the Islanders drunk, as Schultz would do anyways. The less obvious reason is to watch Flyers drunk. They are even worse than the Islanders this year. Who knew that Ray Emery wasn't a ticket to Stanley-town? The final reason to have this drinking game on Tuesday is the massive storm getting ready to wallop pretty much everyone. Got a hangover? Say you are staying home to avoid the weather! (Not valid in Canada)

DRINK

... a screwdriver if, at any point, there isn't any orange on screen. Seriously, I think you get your daily intake of keratine from watching this game.

... if Oskars Bartulis ever comes near a garbage can. It's a Sesame Street joke.

... if you think of Loser Domi whenever John Tavares touches the puck. Then punch yourself in the groin, you pervert.

... finish your drink for every turnover in the defensive zone that leads to a goal. Remember, the hangover isn't a problem, because you're calling in sick on Wednesday anyways!

Drinking player of the week: Ole-Kristian Tollefson

- God bless him for being charitable, but Ole-Kristian has no sense of what is an appropriate shirt for the venue.

- Ole-Kristian was part of a rule for the first drinking game of the season. "Once for every letter in his name". He has 20.

- Mr. Tollefson is Norwegian, like me. He skates better than I do, having learned on a glacier. And, you know, he plays professional hockey. I eat Cheetos and write about it.

As per usual, more rules in the comments.

Last night, Florida's Keith Ballard lit up his second goalie in as many games. After he attempted to decapitate his own goalie, Tomas Vokoun, last week he slammed into Colorado's Craig Anderson during the end of last night's game in Florida. While searching through the dumpsters in the back of the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise -- like I do every Wednesday night -- I found a yellow crumpled up piece of paper. On the top, in really shaky handwriting, it read "My hit list. By Keith Ballard." Today, I present the list to you unedited in its original form so we can better understand the mind of goalie crippler Keith Ballard.

----

My Hit List

by Keith Ballard

Tomas Vokoun - cause he always call me "buddy". Grrrr! I'm not your buddy, guy!

Craig Anderson - Because it makes me feel alive.

Jose Theodore - I need the scalp of a Capitals goalie. It's for a scavenger hunt I'm doing with the team!

Rick DiPietro - He's the only goaltender that can get hurt and nobody would blame me.

Miikka Kiprusoff - Why do you have a name that nobody can spell? WHY DO YOU TORTURE US SO???

Jacques Plante - It would be so much easier to hurt goalies if it wasn't for him.

Felix Potvin - Who names their kid Felix? I mean, really, who does that?

Ilya Bryzgalov - WTF random letters?!?

Cristobal Huet - WTF is FTW spelled backwards. Weird.

Garth Snow - I hate to see a stupid goalie in a position of power. Long Island must be full of liberal hippies who allow this kind of insanity.

Chris Osgood - For being smug.

Patrick Roy - The meanest goalie of them all!