Dustin Penner. Age 31, Height 6’4, Weight 247lbs
Last seen: Washington DC

Pertinent information: Penner has not been heard of this off season after leaving the Washington Capitals. Has a somewhat checkered history with contract negotiations, but can be lured practically anywhere (Edmonton, for example) with a little bit of cash. Enjoys pancakes.

Devin Charlie Kenichi Setoguchi. Age 27, Height 6’1, Weight 210lbs
Last seen: Winnipeg, Manitoba

Pertinent Information: Not much is known about Setoguchi, as he has spent the last couple of years in Winnipeg, an area that little is known about. Answers to the name “Gooch”.  Lived in the Bay Area and was once traded for Sasquatch, which may affect his ability to interact socially.

If you see either of these men, please contact your local General Manager so they can be signed to contracts immediately!


About Ryan Henning

Ryan has been working online since 2003 and is presently the proprietor of Barry Melrose Rocks, The Rhino and Compass and The Weather Blog at Victoria-Weather.