At Team Canada’s practice

[Coach Mike Babcok calls out to his squad at the end of practice]

Babcock: Great practice guys, let's bring it in. Duchene, I thought you were great out there. I don't have anything negative to say about you.

Matt Duchene, confused: Sorry? How much longer do you want me to skate?

Babcock: What? None. Pracitice is over, I thought you were great today, and I plan on giving you more time on the ice through the rest of the tournament

Duchene: So, on a scale of 1-10, how mad are you?

Babcock: What are you talking about? Like, a 0, I'm not mad at all.

Duchene. Coach Roy was upset whenever a shot missed the net, we didn't get the right angle on a dump in, there was an offsides, his omelette wasn't warm anymore, pretty much everything. Sometimes, he would get upset that there is nothing to be upset about. 

Babcock: Yeah, I'm not upset.

Duchene: Coach Roy sometimes says that, and he makes us skate for 2 more hours to give him time to come up with something to be mad about. 

Babcock: That's deplorable.

Duchene: I don't know what that word means. Is this a situation where I have to skate because I'm stupid, or people who know what it means have to skate for being know it alls?

Babcock: It means awful and terrible. Nobody has to skate

Duchene: Oh no, does that mean….

Babcock: Does it mean what? I can almost guarantee no.

Duchene: Does that mean you are getting the stick?

Babcock: No.  What is the stick for?

Duchene: If you can't skate, Coach Roy hits you in the ankles with an wooden goalie stick. 

Babcock: Good lord. 

Duchene: Let me get this straight. You don't make everyone skate 12 hours a day and beat them when their not skating?

Babcock: I don't think anyone in the league does that. 

Duchene: Nobody? Next thing you are going to tell me nobody else builds team cameraderie by beating up hobos. together.


About Ryan Henning

Ryan has been working online since 2003 and is presently the proprietor of Barry Melrose Rocks, The Rhino and Compass and The Weather Blog at Victoria-Weather.