Marian Gaborik prepares a counter offer

Gaborik: Ugh, Columbus is so LAME. All it is is chain restaurants and college kids. LAME.

Agent: That may be the case, but the Blue Jackets might be our best option to secure a long term contract with.

Gaborik: God! You and your fiscal responsibility. So LAME. 

Agent: Sure. I understand that none of this is exciting, but it needs to be done. I think you can point to your time in Minnesota as a good comparable. In Columbus, you will be the superstar, ad in that role you are very capable. 

Gaborik: Uuuuuughhhh, Minnesota was so LAME. So polite and cold and all the food had cream or was deep fried. Freaking LAME. And a little chubby.

Agent: Why did you even come to America if you didn't even like anything here, Marian

Gaborik: Trencin was so small and quaint and it was totally LAME. And what kind of people name their boys Marian? LAME

Agent: Well, whatever. It's my job to secure you a good contract, and we will be meeting with the Columbus front office in New York next week. You liked New York, right?

Gaborik: Ooooh, tall buildings, clubs and restaurants and a generally cosmopolitan population. Ha! LAME

About Ryan Henning

Ryan has been working online since 2003 and is presently the proprietor of Barry Melrose Rocks, The Rhino and Compass and The Weather Blog at Victoria-Weather.

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