Devil Koivu

An interview with Devil Koivu

The NHL season is back! My loyalty lies with the Minnesota Wild, so I wanted to be sure to get an interview with the home town team. Fortunately, I was able to get an interview with captain Mikko Koivu. The best part was that the team wished me well in the interview. Their exact words were "good luck!". 

BMR: There were some big changes to the Wild this offseason. What do you think was the most important?

MK:  My descent into the deepest depths of the netherworld and bargained with Satan himself and exchange for my soul, I have been given the power of a thousand demons. Parise and Suter were also nice additions.

BMR: Oh wow! Sounds like a busy offseason! Was it nice to hear the fans cheering for you against Colorado on Saturday night?

MK: The sounds of 18000 fans pale in comparison to the wailing of infinite souls wailing in agony for all eternity.

BMR: What will be the biggest key for the Wild this year?

MK: Possession

BMR: Of the puck? Or um.. right. So, this whole demon thing… Do the flames coming off of your entire body cause problems to the ice? 

MK: The cold abyss that once was my heart is more than enough to stifle the flames that erupt all around me.

BMR: What about the spiders that crawl from your mouth every time you open it?

[At this point, Devil Koivu offers an unbroken, pupil-less  stare, and I begin to feel my chest constrict, as though my very soul is being ripped from my body. I break the stare and move on!]

BMR: All right, moving on! What do you think you can offer this team?

MK: The allegiance of millions of hellions, evil demons and the eternal damnation of our enemies. Also, I'm a strong back checker.

BMR: I am beginning to see why people thought that this interview might go poorly. Jesus, you're frightening.

[Upon saying the name 'Jesus' Devil Koivu hisses and exposes a mouth full of fangs. A smaller Koivu head emerges from his mouth and hisses at me as well, then Devil Koivu retreats into the darkness]

Thanks for the interview, Minnesota Wild and Devil Mikko Koivu! Please don't haunt my nightmares!

About Ryan Henning

Ryan has been working online since 2003 and is presently the proprietor of Barry Melrose Rocks, The Rhino and Compass and The Weather Blog at Victoria-Weather.