Today is the trade deadline, coming up at 3PM ET and 2PM here in the correct time zone, which means I really need you to get liquored up on a Monday morning, preferably by watching NHL Network and drinking along with transaction news. It’s the best use of your time.
Most years, I kvetch over the fact that my team, the Wild hasn’t made any moves yet, but they HAVE. They made a move completely fleecing the New Jersey Devils yesterday. No matter what happens today, I will probably be happy with what the Wild do no matter what because of that. Or because of the grain alcohol coursing through my veins. Whatever. Now, here is how I am going to get my morning buzz on. And how YOU should do it as well.
… For every player moved, twice for every draft pick. Standard trade day rule.
… Every time the phrase “breaking news” is uttered, three times when it is for a story more than a half hour old.
… Whenever there is an awkward pause while someone on screen presses an audio device to his ear to listen to a producer
… For each instance of a player asked how they feel, or how they are feeling or whatever. It will be asked many times today. Trust me.
… Each time someone talks about how quiet the deadline has been. It will happen, then 14 trades will happen at once. Just like every year.
And naturally, drink copiously when your team makes a trade. It will either be a bad deal, a white flag deal or just not enough to put your team over the edge. Even if it isn’t one of those things, you should still drink. At that point, it’s a celebration.
‘There are many places you can follow along as the trade deadline comes roaring at us on Monday. And since it IS coming on a Maonday, don’t be surprised if Monday is particularly busy, making up for the trades that didn’t happen today and won’t happen tomorrow. Like hell Brian Burke is working on a Sunday.
I am pretty excited. In the past couple of years, the Wild have been sellers who didn’t ever sell (dammit, Risebrough) and this year, they are expected to be buyers as they are firmly entrenched in the playoff hunt. I would just like to savor that statement for a moment. LD, Schultz, are you savoring? My team has a chance to make the playoffs! I know the Wild have a lot of defensive prospects and needs, especially up the middle, so I am surely going to be excited by the trades Minnesota makes or incredibly disappointed, in which case an early morning drinking game is going to be just what the doctor ordered.
… for every player included in a trade.
… once for the round of a traded draft pick. Oh, you traded Milan Hejduk fro a 6th round pick? The bad news is, youo were robbed, the good news is, six drinks!
… Every time you see or read the phrase “BREAKING NEWS”. Bonus drink if it’s in all caps like that.
… Thrice per televised mullet. Engblom counts.
…. at the top of every hour. IF you are into this game, you will be at it for a long, long time.
Of course, I work at 2 at Real Job Inc (this isn’t my real job, believe it or not!) so I intend to be completely annihalated for my shift. Just like Patrick Kane!
Sure we could have a drinking game this week, but Versus’ games feature the Penguins and Lightning, and frankly, Tampa Bay doesn’t have the same luster without Barry Melrose. The other game of the week is Colorado at the Islanders. The only person I could fathom that would possibly want to watch that is Kevin, and I assure you, as an Islanders fan, he is already drinking. The next best thing, and the highlight of the season for some, is the trade deadline. Now, you could turn this into an all week binge or just pack it into the last three pre-deadline hours while constantly refreshing the TSN website. It’s really up to you.
… if the name “Brookbank”, “Ference”, or “Yan Stastny” is mentioned at any point.
… every time a GM makes a condescending remark about fans who don’t understand how hard it is to make a deal.
… if Brian Burke chaps your hide.
…. for every player traded. Twice if they are AHL, thrice if they are playing in Europe
… if are following along online, drink every time you alt-tab from one site to another. Nerd.
I’m hoping for a Ference-Brookbank trade jackpot. Enjoy the deadline, everyone.
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