Lost in the NHL Shop The “Chemise”

nhl_chemise_image_jpg_versionEvery now and then, I peruse the NHL shop for goodies I can’t possibly justify. The other night, I came across something that made me stop in my tracks: The NHL “chemise.”Given that I’ve been asked about my reactions to “women’s” gear at the NHL shop before, this is not new territory for me. There are certainly some pros and cons.

First, the positives. It’s not pink, or covered in so many rhinestones that the garment looks like it has a pox.  At $29.99, it’s among the more reasonably priced items in the NHL shop. It is in team colors, which has been a hard thing for the ad wizards to grasp. It looks really comfy, and I think I would like this dress on its own merits, even without an NHL affiliation.

Given these positives, there are some negatives.  First, this garment is only available for 10 teams (maybe that’s a positive. I’m not sure.)  Second, when you pull up a size chart, here’s what you get:

That chart helps me exactly none in figuring out my size. Given how wide a range a lot of women can fit into, given maker and style, and given my holiday beer gut, I’m not sure how I can guess my size accurately. There is little information here about the dress itself. We don’t know how long it is, or if that’s padding in the bust or what. Is this an actual dress or just a tunic? The ghost mannequin, in addition to being creepy, tells me nothing about how the garment works.

Instead, here’s what NHL shop says:

You might not expect hockey and femininity to go together, but think again! You’ll look gorgeous in this sexy College Concepts® chemise and pay tribute to your hockey boys at the same time. It features your NHL® team logo at the right hem; spaghetti straps, lace detailing, and an empire waist show off the ultra-feminine fan you are

That’s….just crazy condescending and pandering. That description almost makes me want to find the marketing intern and give him five across the eyes for it. I’m saying this as someone who likes dresses AND hockey. I like being a bit girly sometimes, and other times, I like being a beer-swilling jackass. I’m just not sure about being both of those at once. It’s less two great tastes that taste great together, and more two great tastes that fill you with dread and anxiety upon combining. Instead of being peanut butter and chocolate, it’s more peanut butter and spaghetti.

To be fair, there are many items in the NHL shop that I would never wear to games, even if they seem cute. The team bikini comes to mind as an example of one of these. If I’m at a game, I’m wearing my jerseys and jeans and I’m going there for the purposes of supporting my team, drinking beer, and cheering loudly. I’m going to dress to make these activities easy, and I don’t think a pretty, comfy dress with a logo that’s maybe the size of a quarter helps me do any of these things.

Then again, I can see that there may be non-rink places where this could work. I tentatively give this a PASS, but only if it’s worn in a non-rink environment. 

About Kim Ware

Former hockey joke monger who currently lives in Tampa, Florida. She occasionally yells at bad movies, shows, and sports you don't watch on twitter @loser_domi