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Weekend Drinkability: The Pacific Division is this Year’s Gauntlet of Pain and Destruction

Center Ice is present, nay prevalent, in many hockey loving homes these days. Now, unlike in the past, folks can watch any game on any given night. This may be a little overwhelming. BMR is always here to help you, dear reader. Today we present “Weekend Drinkability: What to Watch While You’re Whetting Your Whistle with Some Wiquor.”  Sorry, I’ll stop. Without any further shenanigans, here’s the low down on the weekend. You’ll notice that Inebriated Patrick Kane helps us rate the Drinkability of each game. Prepare your fridge accordingly..

5 Inebriated Kanes — Your Must Watch Matchups

Saturday, 7PM ET – Kings at Bruins

I’m clearly biased here. Featuring another Bruins game in the top slot. I’m not even a Bruin fan. It’s hard, though. I can’t help it that they keep playing tough teams on Saturday, have a good team themselves and have an announcer that is hilarious when you’ve had too many.

But let’s focus on their opponents — the Kings. They’re the up and comers — the ‘new guard’ if you will — in the West. But they’re not really coming up. They’re here. 12-5 and played 1/3 of those games without Drew Doughty. The divisional race is deceiving though because of that overtime point. The Kings have that great record but going into Friday night are one ahead of the 10-8-3 Ducks and two ahead of the struggling 9-5-4 Sharks. Hell, they’re only 4 ahead of last place Dallas. The Pacific division is officially your 2010 Divisional Gauntlet of Pain and Destruction. These teams are just going for an all out, no holds barred, steroid fueled aggression rage all season long. OK, maybe I’m confusing the last part with WWE. But you get the idea. 

Saturday, 7PM ET – Flyers at Capitals

 

How about that Mike Vick? Whatever you think of him, that was one hell of a torching he put on the Redskins last week. Now the roles are reversed because Washington has the ridiculous offense on the ice and the Flyers have questionable defense. Actually, their defense is pretty good. And this is nothing like that Monday Night Football Game or harming dogs. But how about that Mike Vick, huh? To pre-game, take one drink for every time someone at work said the previous sentence to you. That had to have happened multiple times in every office in North America this past week. That and an unnecessary amount of bitching about fantasy teams. 

Saturday, 10 PM ET – Hawks at Canucks

Western Conference Finals preview, anyone? I really can’t think of a reason to not watch this game. It’s the late game for HNIC and should be fucking awesome.

I was reading earlier this week an article (can’t remember where) that discussed giving credit, and how much, to Brian Burke should this Canucks team win the Stanley Cup. Whether or not you agree he deserves any credit for a team he hasn’t been in charge of for nearly 8 years is one side of the argument and the other is that he pulled off the ridiculous move of obtaining both Henrik and Daniel.

Anyway, point is that this guy could, at some point in the future, go down as a GM who won cups in Anaheim and Toronto in addition to being a sort-of architect for a possible cup winner/WC champ in Vancouver. Three cities that before his reign had a combined zero cups since 1970. Now, we’re still a long, long, long time away from having the Leafs win a cup and the Canucks are close but no cigar. But just imagine that there is, in fact, the possibility.

Man, that whole argument is now way overblown thanks to me. It’s like the Inception trailer meme of hockey banter.

4 Inebriated Kanes — The Light Beer of Hockey Games (Good but not great)

Saturday, 7 PM ET – Lightning at Sabres

If this is anything remotely close to the Flyers/Bolts game last night, this will be well worth watching. Ryan Miller is back and playing better and the Lightning offense basically has stick mounted rocket cannon bazookas. I’m really good with military terminology, as you can see. But this game will be great. And not only for folks whose fantasy teams have a Stamkos or St. Louis on it.

Saturday, 7 PM ET – Devils at Blues

Mom voice/  Who wants to watch the Devils get blown out? I DO! I DO!

Saturday, 7 PM ET – Avalanche at Stars

Seriously, are there any BAD teams in the west outside of Alberta? I think the answer is no. At the moment, the 13th place Predators would be tied for 8th in the East. That really speaks to how tight things are in the West. Like a Tiger, you might say.

3 Inebriated Kanes — Not a Great Selection, But Hey, It’s Open Bar

Saturday, 7 PM ET – Leafs at Habs

Can’t really argue with a HNIC Game of the Week featuring the two original six Canadian teams. Even if one of them is Southern Canada’s version of the Isles (on the ice).

Saturday, 7 PM ET – Predators at Hurricanes

Things to ponder: Why the Preds are up 18% in attendance as compared to last season. They’re only 8-6-3. Maybe people are just coming back now that the whole Balsillie thing is a few years in the past? Maybe because the Titans suck again this year? Maybe it has nothing to do with anything. Figuring out this mystery is your homework for this week. 

Saturday, 7 PM ET – Rangers at Wild

If you can actually wrap your mind around the fact that sitting through a game between these two teams may actually be interesting this season, then watch this game. Heck, Marian Gaborik is back from his injury just in time to return in Minny. There’s a storyline for you. Now that I think about it,
3 Kanes may be selling this game short. Just like Marian. AHHH SHORT JOKE

Saturday, 10PM ET – BJs at Sharks

I actually can’t believe this is the 10th ranked game of the weekend. Sure, I’m sort of going by time to organize these for each section of Inebriated Kanes, but this is easily the third worst game of this section. And it’s a pretty decent match up. Should be a good weekend for hockey.

Sunday, 9PM ET – Coyotes at Canucks

 

2 Inebriated Kanes — The Pabst Blue Ribbon of Weekend Action that Gives You Your Fix You Addict, You

Sunday, 5 PM ET - Flames at Red Wings

The Flames are not good. They are very bad. As a result, this game will be bad. This description was also bad. But I felt compelled to write one. Currently regretting that decision.

1 Inebriated Kane — It Doesn’t Really Resemble Beer Anymore, Does It?

Saturday, 7:00 PM ET – Panthers at Islanders

In keeping with tradition, we’re putting the Panthers at the bottom. There should be no arguments here from anoyone since they’re playing the worst team in the league.

Sunday, 5:00 PM ET – Islanders at Thrashers

Back-to-back games for the Isles means DiPietro gets a start. That means for the Thrashers and Panthers, there’s a 50/50 chance one of them scores 10 goals in a game this weekend.

Sunday, 8:00 PM ET - Oilers at Ducks

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