Naturally, I don’t have access to NHLers, so I can’t interview them directly. However, using the power of my imagination, I can recreate what it might look like if I had access to an NHL player. Today I present an interview with Maple Leafs Defenceman and notable survivor of splodeybones Mike Van Ryn
Loser Domi: Mr. Van Ryn, thank you for coming out today.
Mike Van Ryn: Thanks for having me, and you can call me Mike, that’s fine.
LD: OK, good.
(VAN RYN’S chair collapses, causing him to fall on the ground)
LD: OH! Are you OK?
MVR: Oh I’m fine– a few cuts, scrapes and a dislocated elbow never hurt anyone…actually if you could get some ice or something for me that’d be great.
LD: How’s the elbow?
MVR: Much better than I thought it would be. Still dislocated, but it’s not as bad as I thought.
LD: OH good. Now, to my first question—(A ceiling tile falls and lands on VAN RYN’s head, knocking him unconscious. )
MVR:…no, don’t worry about it, the concussion is fine!
LD: The concussion is fine, but how is your head?
MVR: It’s fine, don’t worry about it (MIKE VAN RYN bursts into flames)
LD:OH GOD, OH GOD (runs out) GET A PRIEST!