An Open Letter to Tomas Holmstrom
Written by Loser Domi   
Tuesday, 26 May 2009 22:43

Dear Tomas,

Let me be frank: I’m not the biggest fan of yours. I’m not enthralled with you because of three reasons: the fact you play for the Red Wings, your gigantic ass, and how you keep falling down so much, you dumb goat boy.

Tomas Holmstrom looks like a goat

First off, you play for the Red wings—the team that makes so many others wet themselves in fearful anticipation of playing you. And somehow, you’ve stood out in a team of nonstandouts, at least in terms of character I can use for chats and the like. Unfortunately for you, you don’t stand out for anything good.

You know how you stand out amongst the Red Wings? It’s all in the ass. You know that song “Baby Got Back”? It applies to you like a damn T. However, since I’m a bigger fan of Queen than rap, I wrote a short song to show how I feel about you:

“Are you gonna block my crease tonight?

Ohhhhh down beside that red goal light?

Arrre you gonna fall all over the ice?

Fat bottomed Swedes, you make the hockey world go round”

I mean, your ass to rest of body ratio is almost J. Lo proportions. DO you really want to be known as hockey’s J.Lo?

Lastly, I can’t stand you falling all over the ice. You can’t be THAT clumsy. Then again I realize you may have some sort of medical condition where you fall down. I’m no doctor, but have you ever been tested for narcolepsy? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and there are all sorts of treatments and therapies for it.

Then again, if you give me an excuse to link to a video of fainting goats, (friends/reletives of yours?) you can’t be all bad. You’re still an asshat in my books, however.



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Comments (10)Add Comment
...
written by AmyB, May 28, 2009
Hahahahahhahahh. I love you for this.
...
written by Dave McBrayer, May 28, 2009
DO you really want to be known as hockey’s J.Lo?


Whether he cares or not - thanks to LD - he shall be hence known as that from this day forward.
...
written by tapetotape, May 28, 2009
How lame was that 'story'? He makes a good living on a team full of character, where it is indeed all about depth and TEAM (and this is coming from an Avalanche fan). Crawl back into your hole or better yet -go back to your Pee Wee team, Loser D- if you made it that far.
...
written by furcifer, May 28, 2009
I'm with tapetotape. How could you make fun of a player? How will life go on for Hockey's J-Lo?

Seriously tapetotape lighten up or stop frequenting sites like this. If you want to be a fan who can't take a joke I hear that the Sens have some openings on their bandwagon.

LD - with Queen you can't go wrong

/leaves humming to "Fat Bottomed Swede"
...
written by JaredFromLondon, May 28, 2009
wait...did an Avalanche fan just make fun of the Leafs? I guess finishing just a head of the Lightening gives someone mighty big britches.
Also how is Raycroft working out for you?
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written by Loser Domi, May 28, 2009
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA

someone got up on the wrong side of the cave today. And my hole is very nice, because I don't have humorless dolts like YOU tapetotape in it!

P.S., you really should see a doctor about taht stick up your ass. I hear that's not healthy
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written by loser domi, May 28, 2009
nah, it was an Avalanche fan making fun of me. And failing to change me in any way, shape or form.
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written by sleza, May 28, 2009
Don't be fooled by the ass that he got
He's still, he's still Tommy from the block
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written by Don M, May 28, 2009
Absolutley hilarious. I would hate Holmstrom too if he didn't play for my team. Like a fat worst skating version of Jason Smyth.
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written by titan saturnae, June 01, 2009
He does, at least, have a very respectable beard for the playoffs.

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