Guys on Ice: Kaner Boy Tell ‘em

(The following chat makes no sense unless you have seen the video for Soulja Boy’s “Turn My Swag On”. embedding’s been disabled, so here’s the link.)
***Welcome to the Official Chat Room of the Chicago Blackhawks!***
Don’tToewsMeBro: Ah, another great day to be a responsible captain of a hot young team!
Kane_Is_Abel: Hopped up outta beeeeeddd, turn mah swag onnnnnnn…
Don’tToewsMeBro: What are you talking about?
Kane_Is_Abel: Yeaaaaahhhhhh get moneyyyy, ooooohhhhhhhh…
Don’tToewsMeBro: You’re not making any sense at all, Patrick.
Kane_Is_Abel: Man, he wipes his nose wit moneyyyyy! That’s CA-RAZY right there! He even got his own CEREAL!
Don’tToewsMeBro: Patrick, sometimes I think I need a dictionary with you.
***Later on, at practice!***
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman:…So that’s out plan for the Flames. Anybody got any questions?
Kane_Is_Abel: I got a question.
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman: Yes Kane?
Kane_Is_Abel: Why they hatin’ on me? I got a question, why they hatin’ on me?
Don’tToewsMeBro: What the hey, Kaner?
Kane_Is_Abel: I put my team on, did my theme song. Now it’s time to turn it up. Yeaaaahhhhh…
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman: Really, Kane, why do you keep talking like a rapper of some sort?
Don’tToewsMeBro: Seriously man, as team captain, I have to ask you. I know we all like listening to a lot of different kinds of music. I myself enjoy everything from U2 to Nickelback. But I have to get it through your head, Kaner, you’re not Soulja Boy.
Kane_Is_Abel: Man, I know I ain’t Soulja Boy, but he’s just so….swaggy, know what ahm sayin’?
Don’tToewsMeBro: No sir.
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman: I’m lost
Kane_Is_Abel: It’s just, I feel more like….in tune with rap then anything, like…yanno…
Don’tToewsMeBro: Patrick, you’re from Buffalo. You think mayonnaise is too spicy. You could not be whiter if you civil union’d with one of the Staal brothers!
Kane_Is_Abel: Don’t be hatin, cracker!
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman: Both of you, stop it! Kane, no matter how much you like rap and black people….you’re not black. I’m sorry.
Kane_Is_Abel: You mean I’m not black now. I’m waiting to find a doctor willing to help me with a honkeydectomy.
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman: Honkeydectomy?
Kane_Is_Abel: Yanno what Michael Jackson and Sammy Sosa did? It’s like that, but in reverse.
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman:…
Kane_Is_Abel: …
Dr.Quennevile_Medicine_Woman: Now that’s just messed up.
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